The moment you push that baby out of your
- Delayed cord clamping vs. Storing it away at a cord blood bank
- To throw your placenta away or to digest it
- To leave the vernix caseosa on the baby or to wash it off right away
- To have Pitocin after delivery or to just push your placenta out naturally
- To breastfeed or to give formula
…you get my drift. ( And to avoid all that crap above^^, my advice for you is to write up a birth plan before hand and give it to your medical practitioner. Stick with it but also go into delivery with an open mind because anything involving children is unpredictable).
And that’s just the beginning. Once you start getting vistors, people will start giving you “advice” as to what you should do. And at first you appreciate it, especially if you are a first time parent, because you absolutely have no idea what to do. But then you realise people start sounding either redundant and/or someone’s advice might clash and be completely opposite from another’s.
…Then your left, confused as hell. It starts to get SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Family, friends, STRANGERS and even freaking experts like doctors- will all have something to say. Fuck, even google searches can give contradict results!!!This is when you put your big girl underwear on and tell everyone to STFU and decide what makes sense to you the most.
Let me give you a few scenarios I have encountered myself.
When my son was first born, I was adamant on breastfeeding my child. Long story short, my milk hadn’t come in as I wanted to and I had to supplement with formula. While the nurses and my midwives at the hospital told me to only give “ready to feed” formula, the pediatrician I saw following my discharge, however; told me to give him powder formula instead.
Another example is the issue of co-sleeping. Now that I had this brand new human, there was the question of: Do I put him on my bed, put him beside my bed in a bassinet, or do I put him on his crib in his own room? Some told me the advantages of co-sleeping, while others suggested co-sharing the room instead so that the baby doesn’t get “too attached”. In the meantime, some suggested to put him in the crib right away to promote independence.
So, What did I do? I DID ALL OF THEM! Why? Because I fucking wanted to ok?! And even THEN, people STILL had something to say.
“Don’t use a co-sleeper, he won’t know you are beside him”, “If you don’t use a co-sleeper, you can roll on top of him”!
On co-sharing a room:
“Put a pillow under the baby”, “No, don’t put a pillow the baby can suffocate”.
“Don’t use bumpers on the crib!! They can suffocate and I wouldn’t risk it!”, “I put a bumper on mine because then their arms and legs get stuck in between the slats”.
Then there was the issue on breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. A nurse who came by to do a home visit (Yes, we have that program here available in Canada), told me that it would be a terrible idea to top off with formula because “overfeeding” is a bad for my son. He would be too full and therefore he wouldn’t want to breastfeed as much and thus my milk supply would tank. However, when I spoke to SEVERAL lactation consultants and even doctors- they told me that overfeeding won’t affect my supply at all and that overfeeding would be better than not enough milk. Confusing? Yes? Frustrating? UMMM YEAH. What did I do? I DID BOTH! …And guess what- they all turned out to be fucking wrong! The reason why my milk wouldn’t come in wasn’t the issue of how much time my son spent on my breast or how much he was bottle fed- it was because he was fucking tongue tied!!! Meaning the skin under his tongue wasn’t noticed at birth and therefore he wasn’t able to transfer as milk from me to him as effectively.
Then there was also the issue of sleeping training my babe. I attended a sleep clinic seminar in which the sleep consultant talked about “crying it out” in order to make the sleep training effective. Hesitant, I turned to my handy-dandy Google search and got contradicting articles. With experts discussing the negative effects of the practice, and other experts discussing it’s advantages. What the hell Google. In the end, my husband and I decided to read up on both sides and just decided to do what we felt was right.
But hands down THE MOST frustrating anger-triggering thing is when people give “suggestions” but in reality, they are telling you what to do. For example “suggesting” how to clean bottles a particular way, when. You prefer to do it your way. Then they keep “suggesting” this advice until you do it. (Yes, people have opinions on how to clean those too)!
Don’t take these “suggestions” to heart. Take it with a grain of salt.
I know it’s easier said than done though. I’m working on this myself because often I find myself losing my temper.
What I’m trying to say is. Go with your gut. While that is the most cliche thing to say, its so true. I can give you a few more examples but then I would just be rambling. It’s not bad to receive feedback and suggestions from others. There’s always something new to learn and it isn’t bad to listen to each sides of the story, but at the end of the day- YOU formed that human being. It was YOUR body that went through the labour, and it is YOUR responsibility that this little person becomes a decent human being. That they grow up with your values and beliefs.
It doesn’t matter if it’s family, someone really close to you or a complete stranger (ugh yes this happened to me several times too)- if you don’t want to take their “suggestions”then don’t.